Hello,
It's been quite a while since I have blogged. Things have been really gruesome to tell the truth so I apologize in advance for the delay in correspondence...for those who have been anxiously awaiting a new post...:)
Well, it's roughly 4 am in Portland, OR. I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at around 3:41. Last night was the first night nightmare free after a long bout of tumultuous awakenings. Thank you Dr. Weisberg..I think.
So, today I turn 33. To be honest, I could really care less about the #. People keep say, "oh we're getting so old", I don't feel that. Lately I feel like I have been experiencing a loneliness I have yet to understand, but I really still feel like a child in so many ways. When I am overwhelmed by being stuck in my own head, I use the wonderful tool of wonder to escape into a world full of colors and clouds and enchantment. In fact, it reminds me that I need to remember how effective that tool is for my psyche. Aristotle is quoted for saying something regarding philosophy is induced by wonder and it is has become man's attempt to explain the unexplainable. In short, I'm trying to breathe these days and fighting like hell to stay in the present moment.
I hope this year is a year where I can love more freely. Not in a romantic sense, but in a humanistic sense. I have stuck myself into such a conch shell that I find myself thinking negatively about the world. It's not helping....hello!!!
I also want to reap the rewards for moving my butt out here to the West Coast to a place that I truly enjoy and that always has new surprises and discoveries waiting just around the corner. I want to utilize one of my creative talents this year, and focus on that one, to express myself fully and honestly, not giving way to stopping out of the fear of offending someone or receiving harsh criticism.
And, I really want to make some friends. I have never been so lonely in my life. Tana and I need to expand our social circle and I need to learn to not limit myself by using Tana as an excuse not to get out and do the things that I enjoy.
If you're reading this, thank you. I miss all of you and wish you all the best. I miss you all more than you could imagine.
Wishing love and inner peace,
jlo
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