Ke$ha - Your Love Is My Drug

I hope we have all felt this way at some point....and yes, I like Ke$ha so get over it.

This is why I'm hot.....

Not sure when this picture was taken, but it proves that I am full foxx.

Where my girls at?

Please share a foxy picture with me.....;)

a year of reflection

I've been out on the west coast for a little over a year now. Things have changed.
I've let go of someone I truly loved and the person whom I gave too much love to and in the midst of all this, I've reflected on my mistakes, sometimes at length, and have been able to leave things behind and final. Something I had a hard time doing all my life in some respects. I've found that forgiveness is possible and trust can sometimes be re-gained. If you just let go and love sometimes it improves your spirit.
I miss the little guy I used to be able to be completely myself with. I wish I could connect with him now. I learned so much from him. He is truly the angel in my life and to honor him, a favorite picture above.

I love life

Venturing out......

Tired and unable to focus on much at home, I decided to head out tonight and do something that I miss from being in LA. I never got sick of going to cafes at night, having a tasty beverage and surfing the net. So, I ventured to one of the local joints open till 2 am and ordered a coke float. Once again, life is good. It's a friday night and I'm not in my apartment watching dvds I rented from the library or my lackluster DVR. So, I'm out....and I brought Tan who is chillin' next to a couple seemingly on their first date. So far, the guy seems more interested in Tana than he is in his date....nice :)
Today was busy. I got a lot accomplished and got some more exercise. These days I have to be careful not to do everything in one day. It seems to be that I have boundless energy to do menial tasks. I wish I wanted to meditate or practice yoga during the day, but instead I chose to clean, do laundry, go food shopping and as of late, call dr.'s that may take me on...no such luck so far.
Today I enjoyed the park for a while. The picture above was my view from laying on my towel. A pleasant site. If it wasn't so crowded and I wasn't worried about the perverts at the park, I would have meditated. But, they were in full force today. It was nice nonetheless.
So, with a happy heart and a tired body I say goodnight.

A day in the life

Today I taught yoga for the very first time to a group of students at a local community center right near where I rest my sometimes weary head. It's about a 4 mile round trip walk, so it's getting me actually thinking about moving my lazy ass. As of right now, my legs are killing me....but it was so worth it.
When I woke up this morning I was in severe pain. I hurt my knee a few weeks back and it started bothering me today. In actuality, I think it was a sign that I was reluctant to move forward in my life. For the past year I have been virtually unemployed and this was a "job". I thought of every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn't go. But, in the end, I convinced myself that it was a step in a new direction, a lucky chance at being paid to do something that is good for mind, body and spirit. I went and I conquered!
Things here are settling down. I am finally starting to feel alive again. I feel like being outside, but I don't mind cozying in front of the tv or reading a book either. Last week, I lost my psychiatrist and had to stop taking my adderall cold turkey. It was hell for about 5 days, but I actually feel better. I have a new prescription, but in truth, I think I was taking it for all the wrong reasons. I'm really hoping I continue this attitude.
I'm starting to build a real life on the west coast. I've even started making some friends. All is good today. May I sit and enjoy the bliss....

Starting the 33rd year of this journey....reflections...

Hello,

It's been quite a while since I have blogged. Things have been really gruesome to tell the truth so I apologize in advance for the delay in correspondence...for those who have been anxiously awaiting a new post...:)
Well, it's roughly 4 am in Portland, OR. I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at around 3:41. Last night was the first night nightmare free after a long bout of tumultuous awakenings. Thank you Dr. Weisberg..I think.
So, today I turn 33. To be honest, I could really care less about the #. People keep say, "oh we're getting so old", I don't feel that. Lately I feel like I have been experiencing a loneliness I have yet to understand, but I really still feel like a child in so many ways. When I am overwhelmed by being stuck in my own head, I use the wonderful tool of wonder to escape into a world full of colors and clouds and enchantment. In fact, it reminds me that I need to remember how effective that tool is for my psyche. Aristotle is quoted for saying something regarding philosophy is induced by wonder and it is has become man's attempt to explain the unexplainable. In short, I'm trying to breathe these days and fighting like hell to stay in the present moment.
I hope this year is a year where I can love more freely. Not in a romantic sense, but in a humanistic sense. I have stuck myself into such a conch shell that I find myself thinking negatively about the world. It's not helping....hello!!!
I also want to reap the rewards for moving my butt out here to the West Coast to a place that I truly enjoy and that always has new surprises and discoveries waiting just around the corner. I want to utilize one of my creative talents this year, and focus on that one, to express myself fully and honestly, not giving way to stopping out of the fear of offending someone or receiving harsh criticism.
And, I really want to make some friends. I have never been so lonely in my life. Tana and I need to expand our social circle and I need to learn to not limit myself by using Tana as an excuse not to get out and do the things that I enjoy.
If you're reading this, thank you. I miss all of you and wish you all the best. I miss you all more than you could imagine.

Wishing love and inner peace,

jlo